Hand in hand; I follow you
Down the path less travelled
The more I fight; the more you pull
Dragging me all the way through
I resist and you persist
That I continue on
The darkest path I can take
With you now being gone.
Gregory R. Thompson
SkimBradsteen
Hello! My actually name is Greg Thompson. I’m a father to a wonderful 7 year old daughter name Jocelyn and a 2 year old named John. I’ve been writing since I could walk so you could say it’s always been a dream of mine to be recognized as a good poet/writer. I do hope you’ll spend some time reading what I have to offer. Much obliged and have a great day!
Well, it’s been a day. My son had been ornery all day. He kept getting into things and would not let me get anything done. Then my daugher came home and it only got worse. He hurt here and she hurt him. It was non-stop. Then towards the end of the night around like 6:30pm the unthinkable happened. He knocked the TV off the tv stand and it fell face first onto the floor. It was completely ruined. The screen was cracked, and the screen was coming out of the base. I didn’t know whether to be mad or cry. At least no one was hurt, and I have insurance on it from the place I was renting it from. I am hoping when I call tomorrow, they can do something. I’m praying i don’t get stuck with a huge ass bill to fix it or replace it. I’ve always been a good customer and never complained. I have a good relationship with the shop. So, I think it’ll be okay. I hope.
Today wasn’t all bad just parts of it. Scheduled a meeting with some old middle school teachers I had. They wanted to meet with me after all these years after requesting how they were doing. I am so happy because they were a significant part of keeping me sane and happy in middle school. They understood how bad my anxiety and depression were. They were there through a lot of it. I talked to my mom and Grandma today. That was really nice. Got to catch up.
I finally shaved off my beard the other day. Kept the goatee and got a razor and shaved the parts of the beard that was gone. Feels refreshing to have it off and have a new look. Been 9-10 years since I last shaved it off. Feels nice to have change.
I’ve been reading my bible. Something on Facebook caught my eye and made me think of the book of JOB and I began to read it over again. I keep reading and the more I read the more I understand and can relate. It feels nice to be back to reading God’s word and testament. I remember a time when I was very spiritual, and I had a happy outlook. I’m hoping I can reclaim that and be happy again. be spiritual and happy…
Anyways that’s it for tonight,
Greg
So, I am sitting here listening to music and eating a bowl of life thinking back on a few memories. Nothing special just special memories to me. From 2013, and I’m finding myself remorseful. Things i wish didn’t happen did. Things i wonder if I did differently could things be different. The thing is, would I want it to be different. I’m not sure, and that’s what’s currently bugging me. I’ve been reading my bible since I was able to get mine out of my hall closet after 2 years or more like 3. When I moved in to my current dwelling, I packed that closet full of junk. Thanks to my cousin it’s all clean. Anyways, I have been reading the bible over a course of two days. I found the book of Job resonates with life. I haven’t lost everything, but I have lost a lot. Even in those times I need to praise the lord. I may be stricken in grief, but I must keep my faith. As I’ve always said, “have faith and keep moving forward”.
There are times in my life I have felt abandoned and can’t quite get out of despair. I believe that in 2013 and in many years following I was guilt ridden and full of sadness over events and deaths. I’d like to say I’m an optimistic person but I’m more cynical in my early 30’s. people say you can’t have a midlife crisis it’s too early and I’ve heard that people can. It doesn’t have a set predetermined time for it to happen and I believe that. I’m questioning my whole life, mistakes, regrets, failures, achievements, friends, kids, relationships. I mean I cut of my beard after 9 years. I wanted all of a sudden change. I need change. I am going crazy trying to find a way to make changes in my life. I feel like I need a vacation that I don’t know that I’d come back from. That’s horrible to think that way though. I just NEED change…
The kids have been the centerpiece of my life for the last 8 years. When I turned 25, I was ill and had a kid. She got me through it all and so difd my youngest. I just never experienced the parties, the fun, the staying out late doing what I wanted. I got to do that a bit before I was 20 but after no., I just wish I hadn’t been sick and was able to do all those things. Oh well. time to move on from thsoe thoughts. Try to at least.
The kids have been doing well lately. I’ll write another post sometime more about them. They both are autistic but amazing. My 3 year old is in preschool and my oldest is in 2nd grade. They are doing amazing at school…
Anyways. Signing off for tonight,
Greg
Okay so not much makes me really laugh anymore but this, this I found humorous
Through the depths of hell
I wander through.
The pain I have
Is because of you.
Once you had all you could take
You left me out in the cold
My heart is now someone else’s to take.
Back at it again. Thinking on things that aren’t possible to return to or happen. Everything reminds me of my people who have passed on. I have been having many dreams about people who have passed. It’s nice to see them in the dream. However, it’s like they are lecturing me in some of the dreams. The nightmares are getting better. They finally have me on a course of treatments that are affective in stopping all the mental things going on. It does not stop all the invasive thoughts. My inner monologue always is turned on. So, back to the nightmares. They have plagued me since 2010. Right as I turned 20 my depression, anxiety, bipolar, tourettes all went into overdrive. I tried to seek help. I found a counselor I liked but then he didn’t accept my insurance which sucked. They they kept changing psychiatrists. So, I went to another provider in Richmond. Then I see one doctor and he got me on all the right meds. It’s a long process but I’ve got there. I am on like 7 meds for it all not including my immunospresion, heart meds, Diabetes, cholesterol, and many other meds for vairous conditions.
Off to another tangent. The kids are doing well. My youngest started preschool the beginning of January and my oldest started back to 2nd grade the beginning of January. I finally get like 3hrs to myself Monday through Thursday.
I am starting a weight loss drug tomorrow. Thank goodness because i have been unable to exercise due to my hips and back. I found out I have osteonecrosis in both hips back in October. Been dealing with this severe pain and barley able to walk. it’s been hard but I’m getting through it. So i’m happy to be starting this medicine to lose weight. Otherwise, idk if I could ever lose it. It’s so frustrating to want to do something but I can’t because something is always holding me back. I mean I have every right to complain that life isn’t fair, but I don’t because I know this is God’s plan for me. To exist and to help those who are going through what I am. To inspire, love and be loved. Life is more than what it has done to us. It’s what we make it with our God given talent.
I have started to write again over time. I feel like this is a new age for me. I want to publish a book so bad. I’ve written so much and two books that I just want to have them published. I know they’d be a hit I just have to publish. I don’t even want the money. I just want recognized for what I have done. This year I plan to take more portraits of people places and things. I alos plan to start writing a lot more. I have more time now to do all that now that my kids are both in school.
Ah, But I’m going to sign off for now,
Greg
I’ve been having a lot of nightmares of late. Then I have a lot of lucid dreams. I dream of things I wish were to be. In those particular dreams I do my best to stay in that dream. If I could put myself in a coma to live in that life I would. At least there I wouldn’t have to deal with all this anger, depression, anxiety and whatever the hell this life has thrown at me.
Then It comes to me that I have a pretty good life. Things are not always going to be great. I just have to take what comes and go with the flow. These days I don’t write as much poetry as I did many years ago. I’ll try to get back to it as life goes on. I might tell the story of my Lung Transplant journey. Everyone has a unique experience and mine was sure to be unique.
Transplant took a heave tole on my body and mind. I am missing a huge chunk of my memory. I don’t remmber going into surgery, nor anything a month after…I have PTSD from the whole experience. So here is the whole story. I got a call October 31, 2022, in the morning around 10 am. I thought it was just one of those checkup calls. Stacy began talking to me asking how i’m doing. Then out of nowhere says “how would like to come trade out those crappy lungs for some new ones” I was in total disbelief and was about in tears and my heart began to race. I quickly packed up all my bags, called my friend drove to his place and then he took me to columbus. Then I went to get prepped right away and that’s where my memory fades and all i have then is what other people say happened. Apparently, I had an infection in my chest, and it broke back open, and they had to put a muslce flap over to hold my sternum together. For a month it took them to find the infection and treat it. I was delirious and don’t remember any of it. once they treated the infection i was back to myself, but I was bed ridden for about 2 months and then I lost all my body strength. So, therapy came in once a day to help me with all of that. The thing is, right after being up and able to somewhat walk, my feet started to swell up. I started to have problems peeing. Then I got released to go to Therapy center beside the hospital. There they monitored my kidney function. Over time it kept going down and down. I was supposed to be released to a hotel nearby but my kideny started to fail. They sent me back to the hospital to be evaluated. They biopsied my kidneys. Found there was damage to them. My GFT went as lows as 10 and everything else pointed to kidney failure. They put me on dialysise for two months until my kidneys decided to come back and then after I had to keep getting blood work and seeing a kidney doctor to make sure they are okay. So, after having a dialysis line put in, I went to a local hotel and stay there for a month with many family members so they could do therapy and blood work and other things to make sure I was okay and safe to go home. I was okay around February 10th. I finally got to go home. I almost didn’t because of the severe back pain I had been having. The doctor let me go home with hesitation because I hurt so bad, but I wanted to go home. I missed my kids. So, they released me to home. I then went into pulmonary rehab, and then to home therapy. My mom stayed with me for about 2 months after being home to make sure I was okay and good to live on my own and drive on my own again. The next year was hell getting back to myself. I had memory loss, and I had ben severly depressed with survivor’s guilt. someone had to die for me to live and I don’t know if I’ll ever be okay with that, but I have to be. I have to honor his sacrifice and live for my family. (I did reveive a letter from the donor family. I plan on writing back.) For all of 2023 I lived in a way that was depressing to me. My mom left in March, and then my fiancé moved in with both my kids. I wasn’t allowed to lift yet, so it was very hard to do much. My relationship to my fiancé ended in May but I think it really ended a lot of time before that. My mind had been made up, but I just didn’t want to be alone. I loved her but it just wasnt meant to be. We were two different for it to ever work. I was always stressed out and upset. I never talked about it because i rather keep the peace than start a fight. Then in july my grandpa passed. Oh, my uncle passed November on thanksgiving. So, I had two deaths to grieve over all of 2023 and part of 2022. I am so lucky and happy to be alive. At what cost I must ask though. Was what I went through worth what Ihe cost in the end? I may never know im just thankful to live with my family. My precious two kids are my whoe world. I would not be here if it weren’t for them.
So, my journey over the course of 9 years has been one to tell. I’ve been through hell and back. I can say I’ll never wish what I went through on anyone. Not even my worst enemy deserves that.
The only things i have going on these days is my hips. i have osteonecrosis in them. That means i have bone death in my hips. I ’m in physical therapy and on pain meds to help but I may end up having a full hip replacement.
Well that’s been somewhat of my journey for the last year and 3 months
I do but wonder
What I have to give.
Is there something under
The skin that I’m in?
People ask me questions.
I have no answers to
Who am I; what an obsession.
I must warn you.
Give me a moment to ponder
The great mysteries of the soul
I’ll always wonder.
What adventures have been told.
Reblogged from perrfectly
Moments..
I find myself lately looking into the past. Remembering moments taht were good and bad, wonderful and sad. Sure, the people were good/bad, but the moments forever are ingrained in my soul. I don’t miss many but the ones I do miss are very close to me. The others are but moments in time that I enjoy or dislike. No matter the feeling it’ll fade like memories do. We are all buta memory. Let’s make it a good one eh.
